I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
