The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
