White coat. Heels.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
