There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
