not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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