Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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