YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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