it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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