my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
