Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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