I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
