East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i think my cat just said my name.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
