I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
