Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
