Don't you send me to vm
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
