1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We were destined to go to rehab together
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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