Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
