I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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