You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
