Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
