I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
