If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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