Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
