Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
