I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
