if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize