I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
