Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
