She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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