Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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