I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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