whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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