So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
