Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
