I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize