You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
