i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
