I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
