i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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