Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
