I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
