I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
