Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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