Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
