I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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