Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
