Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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