its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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