Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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