I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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