haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
