I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
