Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
