My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
