i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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