For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
