Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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