he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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