I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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