"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
