This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize