our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
