The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
