She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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