ugly people sure do ruin things
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
