Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
