im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
