I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
