I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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