i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize