We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
