just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We don't watch enough power rangers
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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