I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
