Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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