I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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