Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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