lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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