i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
