please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
