Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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