Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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