haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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