Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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