I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize