Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
