the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
