if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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