you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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