Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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