I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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