I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
