I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
