porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
