Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
