Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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