you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
