we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
