You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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