on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
