I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
