just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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