i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who died my cat blue again?
A+ Viking dick
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