Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
