sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
