plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
